


Wished for Me

by orphan_account



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Crying, Feelings, Happy Ending, M/M, Northern Downpour, Sad, Texting, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23818915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ryan northern downpours himself. It hurts.
Relationships: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this because i need it to happen in real life

Years had passed. And here he was, holed up in his room, swathed in a blanket like a trauma victim. Maybe that was an accurate description, though he only had himself to blame for his tears. 

_Look at you, pathetic!_ He thought abruptly, pushing thoughts of his friend away. But he just couldn't ignore it, not today: not on Brendon's birthday. _He's probably having the time of his life, partying in Vegas, writing songs for screaming fans..._

 _No! Stop._ Ryan reluctantly attempted to drag his thoughts from his former bandmate, but it was a futile task. The good old times were too fresh in his memory to be scraped off now. Those golden days. He could remember it all too clearly. Touring. Interviews. Laughter. That beautiful face that lit up the room like a sun...

Cursing himself, Ryan grabbed his phone, fumbling to open YouTube. His shaking hands entered a sentence in the search bar: "brendon urie and ryan ross". Met with a surge of videos, titled with their names, along with various Panic! At The Disco song titles, he almost smiled. Then one particular clip caught his eye.

Eagerly, yet with trembling fingers, Ryan opened the video. It began with a view of the stage, their stage. Flowers adorned the microphones, and the hair - oh god, all the hair! The sight made him cringe, but not in the least as much as when he heard his own voice speak:

"This song is called Northern Downpour..."

That exact moment, with the slight break in his voice, was the manifestation of all the pent up emotion contained in a now angry fire within him. He swallowed hard. The sight of Brendon with his goofy smirk nearly made him start with surprise - it was as if he could see him all this time later. As he blinked away the embarrassment...

...the song began. He knew the lyrics of course, he had written them, had played them time and time again. Watching mesmerized, the chorus was fast approaching on the screen. _Northern Downpour sends it's love, **I love you...**_

Ryan almost replied at the sound of Brendon's sudden utterance and carefree chuckle. But it was too late now. The song continued.

He had told Brendon to pay special attention to one line. The line that had really come from his soul. He had poured out his very soul in that lyric, for Brendon to express. It was a gift right from the soul of Ryan Ross. And hearing the emotion lavished upon it from Brendon, he had to choke back a sob. Never before had he realised the value of all he used to have around him.

The guitar played on and all too soon the music was nearly over. Him and Brendon were still singing in their perfect duet. _Hey moon, don't you go down._

**_I'll never go_ **

Ryan remembered this utterance. His vow, expressing the burning emotion that any other words denied him. It was a promise! He had promised him. And look at him since: abandoning his Brendon; his gorgeous Brendon. 

_I left you Brendon. God I'm sorry!_

He couldn't hold back his tears. They flowed freely, a downpour from his very own eyes. A white hot pain enveloped his chest, weighing his voice down with sorrow. This was the grief of loss, and he only had himself to blame. It was the impact of his actions that had caused all this pain. And he had hurt Brendon too! If they both felt the same amount of despair over it, then Ryan imagined that they could fill the ocean with their tears. Mingling in sorrow.

God, it hurt. 

He had to do something somehow. Ease this suffering, for the both of them. Taking out his mobile once more, he opened messages. With a thoughtful pause, and countless doubts running through his mind, he typed out a message, bit his lip and sent it with crossed fingers. 

Only time would tell if it could bring back peace. But for now, Ryan could sleep with a lighter heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Brendon caught the sound of a soft guitar chord emitted from his pocket and struggled to grab his phone. Despite himself, his heart leaped. Only one contact had a personalized text alert. Just one. 

Suppressing his eagerness, he slowly opened his messages, as though he was in slow motion. Brendon almost gasped aloud as he read the text. 

_a very happy birthday to my friend - the moon_

He tried to regain his composure, thinking well I can't say no to that now, can I?

His step had more of a leap in it that night. Yes, his heart did seem a lot lighter then.


End file.
